Wednesday, February 20, 2013

What nobody tells you about being Pregnant: It’s Hard, really hard.

It’s not easy!  Actually, pregnancy is very hard – at least it was for me it has been.  I can recall many times where I’d over hear a pregnant woman complain about a various symptom and I’d think “lucky her, at least she can have a baby”… now that I know what it’s really like I can sympathize.  I have/had this guilt that I am always reminded there are others facing infertility that may never be pregnant and to complain about such a joyous blessing just isn’t right.  The hormones that will take over your body make it impossible, to forget how awful I feel/felt.  Either, I was nauseous or tired or weak and I told my husband about it all. 

I don’t have that many friends that are pregnant or have children, and the ones that did have babies before me are not really much help now.  They forget the symptoms or can only relate to their own experience. I have tried explaining to my husband that now in my 3rd trimester I have this “lonely” feeling.  I have no reason to feel lonely; I have plenty of friends and family… but I do feel this lonely feeling.  I think it’s just a combination of hormones/fears/hopes/dreams that I have never had before, and technically my body is doing this all alone.

I also have the fear of the unknown.  I started working on a workers permit at the age of 14 my freshmen year of high school.  I have throughout that time only brief periods of time go by without a job.  I have worked for 15 years and now after the baby, I will stay home.  I know I am extremely grateful for this chance and opportunity… but I’m kind of bugging out.  It’s all part of the unknown – exciting but a bit scary as well. 

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